haniel
by Hannah Palindromes Rock
Summary: There aren't enough strong female characters in the show, so enter Haniel. The angel of joy, whose life has recently not been very joyful. Note: it starts out including Sam and Dean, but will become a little more distant.
1. rescue gone awry

**HANIEL: BROKEN ANGEL**

By: Hannah, palindromes rock!

This Supernatural fan fiction is based on the premise that there aren't enough good female characters in the show. Every once in a while there is some one: Ruby, Ellen, Jo, Lisa, Meg, etc. But none of them are very prominent like Castiel, Bobby, Crowley, etc. Therefore I have written this story focusing on the decidedly female angel, Haniel, or "the grace of God" as her name translates. (No I did not choose this theological angel name because it resembles my own. That was just a happy coincidence; mostly I really just thought I could mess with her a little.)

I apologize for any errors of spelling, grammar, theology, etc. I really am a visual person and think in a way that is sometimes very difficult to convey through words. For this reason I have a very low confidence in my writing, though I enjoy the idea of having people suffer through my chaotic ramblings and actually understand and enjoy it. I wish you the best of luck.

Note: I don't own supernatural, or the characters. The plot and story is mine however, though obviously it has almost nothing to do with the actual theological Haniel. I have also tried to remain relatively related to the timeline of the series. As such, I will also try to do my best to represent the characters of the show and their relationships.

**1. RESCUE GONE AWRY**

Haniel stood in line with a handful of other angels as Micheal briefed them for their mission. "The righteous man has fallen. He must be rescued from hell; this is your mission. It is your goal to retrieve him from hell, if possible, before he breaks the first seal. If you fail to accomplish that it becomes even more important that you retrieve him so that he may be my sword in the inevitable fight with Lucifer. God has foretold this." He gestured to the angel at the very end of the line. "Castiel has been chosen by God to retrieve the righteous man's soul and then to guard him once he is freed. It is the duty of the rest of you to be sure that he accomplishes this, no matter the cost. Do you understand?" Michael finished, "yes sir", the chosen angels chorused. He nodded, "excellent, now fly and fulfill God's will." They flew.

Turbulence upon entering hell blew them out of formation. Haniel felt the air die beneath her wings and for a moment she fell, but she had been expecting such complications. She angled her body so that she could glide when the lift returned. She could see other angels doing the same. They all quickly regained their positions around the young Castiel, Haniel ended up on his right. Black smoke billowed up to meet them, "incoming demons", one of the angels shouted. Haniel caught Castiel's eye, "good luck little brother", she said. She pulled out her blade as the first wave of demons washed over the small group of angels.

They clawed and snapped at her, but Haniel nimbly dodged their blows and slashed back at them with her knife. Many demons fell by the angels' hands, but an angel fell as well. The group mourned his loss, but continued on without pause. "More approaching", Haniel called as she spotted more smoke shooting up to meet them. "Defensive formation!" their leader yelled. A "v" formed around Castiel; Haniel herself glided to the edge, "let's get this angel in there", the leader yelled. Then, once again, they were in the middle of chaotic battle. The arrow held for a little, and then broke as demons separated the angels.

Haniel fought independently for what felt like hours, but never did she fear or doubt, because she was an angel of the Lord and was fulfilling his wishes. Demons had broken past her guard several times and her vessel had sustained several injuries, but none were enough to even slow her down. The demon cloud thinned for a second. Haniel caught sight of Castiel. He was falling, a demon latched onto one of his dark wings. Without hesitation Haniel charged towards him and sliced off the demon's head. She caught Castiel's arm, "finish the mission", she said, healing him. He nodded and let her toss him forward. He used the momentum to break through the line of demons. The surviving angels followed quickly after.

Then they had landed, in the hell where the righteous man's soul resided. Only four angels were still alive. Castiel went to retrieve the soul, while the three other angels guarded him, though out of sight of the soul. Soon Castiel emerged with the soul carefully held in his left hand, "mission accomplished", he said. "No", Uriel said, "not until we get you out of here with that soul". They closed ranks around him and flew up again heading towards the swirling cloud of angry demons. "Stay together", Haniel cried and they began to fight upward again.

They dashed desperately against the wall of demons but were always forced down. A demon raked its claws along Haniel's shoulder. They were going to fail, they were going to die, and the righteous man would be lost. Haniel's confidence wavered. She glanced at Castiel, the bright soul held against his chest. Their only hope… _I will do it so that none of the other angels must_,Haniel decided. She turned to the angel next to her, "I'm sorry", she said before slitting the angel's throat. Grace flowed out in pure light into Haniel. Haniel looked at the shocked faces of Castiel and Uriel, regret and remorse in her eyes, "get Castiel out of here", she said to Uriel. Uriel nodded, "good bye, Haniel", he replied his usual jokes dried up. He grabbed Castiel's arm and together they struck forward with greater desperation.

Haniel felt the grace welling up in side her, building, clashing. She fed it until she was bursting with energy. _Good luck_ was her last thought before she forced the extra energy from her body with nuclear force. It blasted up killing many of the demons and creating greater lift to catch the two receding angel's wings and carry them up. Haniel felt her vessel burn up, before she knew she was falling back down to hell. She struck the ground and everything went black.


	2. meet the song

**2. MEET THE SONG**

The angel pulled herself clawing out of the pit where she had resided for the last 3 Earth years. Her skin oozed grace where it wasn't blackened and burnt. Exhaustion made each of her limbs heavy like lead. There had been an opening, a hope, and she had taken it; she had escaped against all the odds. The door closed behind her, _I can't move any more_, she thought as she collapsed onto her back. It hurt her wings, but she could see the stars and moon above. The pinpricks of light were enough to calm her fears of being discovered. In hell, when there wasn't fire, it was night, but there were never stars or light resembling the cool shades of the moon. She was in a large grassy meadow, barely big enough to contain her battered form's size. She was so weak that she could even feel the chill of air as it numbed her wounds. She closed her eyes, drawing in an unnecessary breath of air before her head dropped to the side and she slept.

A twig snapped, but she was too tired to care. Then there was a stifled "ouch", which she recognized it as a little girl's voice. Then said little girl found her. The girl gasped. The angel's eyes flashed and she looked up and whimpered, the girl's eyes were black. The angel tried to move, wiggle away, anything. "Wait!" the girl said with a shaky voice, against her will the angel looked back, the girl's eyes were normal with deep brown irises. The angel shut her eyes again and lay in despair thinking that maybe she was still in hell and that this was just another form of torture; a trick. _Even if it wasn't hell, why would she help you_; she accused herself, _she is but a child_. Darkness was reaching for her and she welcomed it anything to escape the demon girl's torture.

She was woken by a light touch on her shoulder. The girl was still there, "My name is Carolyn." She said, nearly choking with fear. The angel flinched away, _maybe it wasn't a demon, and maybe she had gotten away… NO! I will not let myself hope only to be bashed against the rocks again! _She curled up in silence hoping that it would all just go away if she ignored everything. The girl's frustration was apparent, but she stayed and boldly asked the angel question after question, only to be ignored. "Fine!" She shouted and stormed away. The angel felt a pang of sadness as she left… loneliness. But instead of calling out she curled tighter and closed her eyes again.

It was early the next day when Carolyn came again. "What are you?" she asked while the angel was still foggy and half asleep. "I'm an angel", came the reply automatically. Carolyn appeared confused, "you don't LOOK like an angel." The girl argued. "How would you know?" The angel snapped back. Carolyn took in a sharp breath, "What's your name?" The angel uncurled a little, _the demons knew her name how could they not_. The angel felt less sure about the girl's nature, maybe she was human after all. "I don't remember", the angel ventured. Carolyn frowned, "do you need some band-aids?" The angel tilted her head, _this was unexpected_, "what is band-aids?" she asked pronouncing it slowly. The child made a weird face, "band-aids go on boo-boos, to help", she said, "and you look like you have a lot of boo-boos." The angel frowned again, "what's boo-boos?" The girl sighed exaggeratedly, "owies, injuries, bleeding spots." The angel shook her head tiredly. A call echoed through the woods, "that's my dad", Carolyn explained, "He wants me to come." She got up and ran a short distance, "I'll come back to see you after lunch!" She called over her shoulder. The angel just agreed softly then curled up to sleep more, _confusing, but I can't think… too tired_.

Carolyn ran through the woods back to the campsite where her family was staying. "Lunch time girly", her father said. Carolyn nodded and danced to the table. She jumped up so that she was crouched on the table bench. "Guess what mommy?" she exclaimed twisting back and forth with excitement. "What dear?" her mom said. "I met an angel in the meadow!" Carolyn continued before her mother had finished speaking. "That's nice", her mother said. Carolyn shook her head, "no Mom! She's terribly wounded, can I take some band aids to fix her?" Her father came up from behind and poked her ribs, "sure!" He said as she giggled, "you can play doctor on her." Carolyn laughed in excitement, but settled down to eat. _Kids always have the most interesting imaginations_, her father chuckled to himself.

True to her word, Carolyn came back after lunch. She woke the angel with a gentle prod. "I picked you some flowers!", she said, presenting them to the angel. The angel smiled sadly, it was a shame that the flowers would die now, but the little girl… no Carolyn was so innocent. _She is indeed human_, the angel ascertained. "Thank you", the angel rasped holding out one shaking hand to take the small bouquet of dandelions. Carolyn's face fell with worry, "you're getting worse." "I am dying", the angel said bluntly. "Not any more!", Carolyn announced proudly, "I brought band aids!" The rest of the day was spent with Carolyn trying to put a small pink band-aid over the middle of every wound the angel had that looked bad. That evening Carolyn left, feeling like she had helped the injured angel, but the angel knew that no little girl could help her now.

Every day Carolyn returned to tell the angel about her family, stories and jokes she had heard, places she had explored, things she had discovered, and any other little thing that popped into her mind. The angel enjoyed every word, but as a couple days passed she could no longer draw strength enough to ask questions or move. Somehow though, the girl had managed to pick up some of the angel's broken pieces and put them back in place. But no matter how much the shattered angel's mind and soul was soothed, her broken body was still sapping her strength and killing her. Then, on the fifth and final day of Carolyn's camping trip, she came and found that she could not rouse the angel. She sat down in the grass and sobbed, fearing that her new friend was gone.

The angel was floating in inky blackness on the verge of death, but the little girls pain pierced through to her, even as she was about to give in. The angel groaned wearily, "do not cry child, it's okay." The girl sobbed harder, "No it's not. Please you can't die". "I have lived long enough… I am broken and glad to leave the world behind", the angel rasped. Carolyn just argued more vehemently, "NO!" she shouted, but the angel wouldn't move. Sobbing Carolyn raced blindly into the woods. The angel just stared blankly at the ground.

Then she heard Carolyn scream. Her heart fluttered, what if she was in danger! The angel dragged herself up and flapped her broken wings wildly towards the scream. She spotted Carolyn hanging over a river clutching desperately to the log "bridge" crossing over it. The angel crashed on the bank, "help!" Carolyn screamed as her fingers began to slip. "Carol! Where are you?" Carolyn's father yelled in the distance. _He must have heard her screams_, the angel thought, _but he'll never get here in time_, she realized. The angel reached to grab her, but she was to weak to even move. There was one last chance, "do you accept me, to be my vessel?" she shouted. The girl nodded, "yes" she cried though she didn't understand what the angel meant. "Then I can save you." The angel replied and light shined between them. The angel vanished and the girl's hands slipped and she fell into the water with a dazed look on her face.

_Yes, in this chapter I only called Haniel "the angel" because she has amnesia and can't remember her own name. Although this story is mostly spent from the perspective of Haniel I also couldn't help but add a moment that is from Carolyn's point of view. That moment was just to allow greater elaboration on Carolyn's personality and her background. Expect more of these passages from a different point of view. Lastly, I apologize for my dark humor; I like dragging my characters through the mud and leaving them splattered in it._


	3. named

**3. NAMED**

The angel's mind stirred slowly, then she remembered Carolyn. _Carolyn_ she screamed, but there was no sound and no reply. She realized she was in a vessel. Connecting to the strands of her vessel's thoughts she let out a hesitant question, _Carolyn_. Shock rippled through the vessel's consciousness, _Lullaby?_ Came the reply. The angel's confusion traveled through the link, _no, I am an angel_. Carolyn's amusement flowed back, _I am Carolyn and you have been in my head for the last year_. Memories flowed through of Carolyn's peaceful nights of rest; _whenever I had bad dreams you would sing to me and chase them away_. _That is why you call me Lullaby…_ the angel muttered back,_ I am sorry I do not remember_. The angel considered the name for a moment, _I like it!_ She decided,_ you may call me Lullaby_. Carolyn's pleasure was obvious.

Over a couple days Carolyn and the newly dubbed Lullaby reviewed memories, responsibilities of a vessel, and how it felt to have Lullaby sleeping inside her. _You were only eight when you agreed to be my vessel? _Lullaby asked. Carolyn affirmed, _yes, but now I am nine_. Lullaby pondered over being in a vessel for an entire year without being the one in control. She examined her true form and realized that all of her wounds from hell had faded into scars and she marveled at the healing strength of Carolyn's soul, especially since she wasn't the angel's true vessel. Lullaby was still mostly powerless, but she wasn't dying anymore. Carolyn rejoiced at the news.

_Why did you come back?_ Lullaby suddenly asked. _What do you mean?_ Carolyn asked back. _That first day, when we met in that meadow… why did you come back?_ Carolyn considered for a moment, _I was curious and you were hurt. I somehow felt that you were harmless_. Lullaby was quiet again, she almost remembered something, _not harmless, no, but not benevolent either_. Carolyn sighed, _I'm afraid that I will have to get back to the real world soon_. They both could feel lullaby's interest so Carolyn answered the implied question, _it has been three days since you became conscious, luckily for me it is a long weekend and my parents have been out of town with my brother_. _Basically I have now been unconscious for that entire time span and have school tomorrow for which I must prepare. Oh_, Lullaby replied, _I… enjoyed talking to you again_. Carolyn's panic spread through the link, _you're not saying goodbye are you?_ Lullaby considered the question; _I am not sure what will happen to me when you wake. I may just slip into sleep or I may be awake though I am not sure how much control or influence I will have over you_. Carolyn understood, _I hope we will still be able to talk_. She said briefly before waking up.

It turned out that Lullaby could choose whether or not she wished to remain separate from Carolyn's consciousness. At times, such as while Carolyn was in class, she would let herself fall into a restorative trance (angels don't normally sleep). But at other times she would see through Carolyn's eyes and talk to her, though Lullaby was rather shy and quiet. They also soon found out that it was possible for Carolyn to wake Lullaby at any given time. They learned from each other and enjoyed life as a single unit.

Interestingly as Lullaby grew in strength, the more she affected Carolyn, or Carol as she was now generally called, though neither of them noticed the steady changes. Mainly, Carol's personality shifted to become more introverted and eccentric, but she also started requiring less sustenance and rest. Other changes were also noticed, the way she spoke, the way she held herself, the knowledge and wisdom she appeared to have, her tendency to take things very seriously and very literally. Her parents even started to notice after a short time. Lullaby and Carol were becoming more and more intertwined. They also began to draw attention in the supernatural world due to Lullaby's increasing power.

_Yay! She has a name again! Really I just thought "Lullaby" would be great because Carolyn's name can be condensed to Carol. I love music._


	4. found and gone again

**4. FOUND AND GONE AGAIN**

It was obviously inevitable that something would come to investigate the strange being that was human, but which had the energy signature of an angel. It happened when she walked home from school at the end of the year. Carol was enjoying a conversation with Lullaby concerning the birds flying overhead when Lullaby went silent in the middle of describing the early version of a robin and how they had become what they were. Instantly Carol felt wary, _what's wrong?_ She felt Lullaby stiffen in her mind, _something is… there is a strong presence in your house and a faint scent of sulfur in the air_. Demons they both recognized. _My family?_ Carolyn asked, _safe_, Lullaby assured her. They continued up the walkway.

Carolyn opened the door as quietly and slowly as she could. She really had no desire to meet demons, but Lullaby gave her confidence enough to walk into the foreboding silent house. She walked into the living room to see her parents and brother bound and gagged with three demons standing over them. "Hello little girl." One said his eyes turning black, "don't you wish you hadn't walked in?" Carolyn took a steadying breath; "I knew you were here" she said and almost smiled as the demon stopped grinning. Carol laid her backpack on the floor, "I would suggest you flee."

The demon laughed, "I am a demon child, did you think big talk would scare me away." Carol shrugged and at Lullaby's direction replied coolly, "I knew it would not, because I also know that you three are to stupid to see that you are outmatched and outwitted." The two other demons snarled and pulled out several nasty looking knives, "I wouldn't mock us if I were you", the leader said, "We'll not hesitate to slit your parents' throats."

_Let me take over_, Lullaby suggested. Carol numbly agreed. Lullaby pushed Carol into the back seat; it was time to announce her presence. "I apologize for the inconvenience to your family, Mr. and Mrs. Symmes" she told Carolyn's parents, "I promise that no harm shall come to you." The demons looked confused and nervous now. To them it had appeared that Carolyn was speaking formally to her parents, which was simply weird. "We se that violence is now necessary, " Lullaby said, her face as blank as a china doll's. "We?" the demon prodded. Lullaby nodded once, "yes, you may call me Lullaby, I am an angel of the Lord." The demon took a step back, "I know you!" he exclaimed, "You were in hell." Now panic was breaking loose. "Now you shall suffer for those years of torture', Lullaby replied menacingly.

The demons began to move their knives, but it was too late. Lullaby appeared behind them; placing her hands on their foreheads she burned them out before they could do any harm to Carol's family. The third demon tipped back his head and opened his mouth to escape. As black smoke began to pour from his mouth Lullaby's hand caught the fleeing demon and forced it back into its vessel. Her hand touched his forehead and he too was burned away to nothing. She turned back to Carolyn's parents who were staring at her in utter horror. She walked over to them and was a little dismayed, though not surprised, when they tried to pull away. Lullaby touched their bonds, which fell away at an unspoken command.

They all scrambled up and stepped back. Mark Symmes stood in front of his wife, Delia, and son, Dante, like a shield. "What are you?" he asked. Lullaby took several steps back before replying, "an angel." The man shook his head rapidly, "get out of my little girl?" Carolyn interrupted here, "daddy, I'm not a little girl anymore!" Her parents looked even more horrified at this exclamation. "Your daughter, Carol, saved me last year by agreeing to be my vessel." Mark just looked outraged, "so what you just body napped her?" Carolyn surfaced again her voice soft, "no, I said yes and she saved me from drowning in that river." Carol's father nodded as though he understood, "get out!" he commanded angrily. He didn't want anything sharing his daughter's body, even an angel.

Carolyn's shock was enough to push Lullaby back so she could take control again. "Why daddy? I like her, she's my friend and she saved us all." Delia shook her head, "no, she killed those three men." She practically spat. Carolyn begged, "no! They were possessed by demons…" Her parents stared at her as though she was insane. Carol shook her head in resignation, "fine, but if she goes, I go." Her mother grabbed her hand, "you are staying, and this… other creature must leave." Carolyn was about to argue, but Lullaby took control again. She lay her other hand over Delia's, "I understand, I will go." Lullaby stood back and tipped Carolyn's head back opening her mouth. Blue light began to shine forth, but Lullaby couldn't get out. It was like she was chained down. She pulled harder trying to force herself out. Carolyn screamed and they both passed out.

_I just couldn't give Carolyn away yet._


	5. running

**5. RUNNING**

Needless to say, Carolyn's parents were not very pleased that an angel was irrevocably trapped in their daughter. For several days they had tried to make it work, with Lullaby telling Carolyn's older brother, Dante, about demons and other monsters. He was the only one who seamed to find it in any way cool that his sister was a vessel. She showed him how to make a devil's trap and told him how salt holds back ghosts and demons, etc. One question led to another and soon there was no forgetting about Carolyn's circumstances. Therefore, Lullaby and Carol decided to leave. For the protection of her family and herself, they would run and hope to make a living. They left at night, leaving a note and anything they didn't need behind.

They traveled continuously. They would stop in one town or city for four days at most and then they would move on again. In each town they might work a miracle, but they would run before they could draw attention to themselves. Now it was usually Lullaby in control. Her strength had returned, but some of her powers still eluded her. She also started to remember the more she used her powers. Memories from ages long since past and knowledge that she had to keep even from Carolyn. However, none of what she remembered brought her any closer to remembering who she was. Every once in a while, Lullaby would even try to leave Carolyn. Each time failed with increasingly dramatic consequences. Then she stopped trying altogether.

This stop and go life continued for a little under a year before Lullaby and Carolyn were finally noticed. Now they were running from more than just demons. Hunters.

_Speaking of hunters… if anyone is curious as to what happened to Carolyn's family after she left; they died in a car crash 3 weeks later thanks to a suspiciously dark eyed bus driver. Well, actually her brother Dante survived. He used what Lullaby had told him to track down a mentor and trained to be a hunter. He always was a rather sure-headed confident boy. He learned quickly, though his mentor was killed a year later in a hunt. Dante then struck off on his own, using his mentor's resources, trying to find his lost sister while still hunting anything that crossed his path._


	6. miracle worker

**6. MIRACLE WORKER**

Lullaby sat on a bench in Fort Collins looking through a newspaper. "There was a car accident a couple days ago", she said to Carolyn. _We may as well check it out_, Carolyn replied. Lullaby folded the paper and stood up. Looking at the road she noticed a black car that held only two people. _What is it?_ Carol asked, noticing how Lullaby was watching the car. "That car seems… familiar", Lullaby replied. The man in the passenger seat met her eyes; Lullaby continued to stare unabashed at him. _Strange_.

Sam turned to Dean as soon as the strange girl had faded out of sight, "that girl was staring at me in an odd way." Dean smirked, "well as my brother I should expect girls to be pining after you." He joked. Sam gave his skeptical look, "she was like… 10 or 11 Dean." Dean shrugged, "whatever, it's not like we're going to see her again. We're just passing through." Sam nodded, "well what do you think of the thing we're hunting?" Dean frowned slightly, "could be an angel, though they aren't so friendly lately… might be a demon making deals… I don't know." Sam agreed quickly, "Well, whatever it is, it will most likely be either here or in Loveland. It's not really missed even little towns along its path." Dean turned into a parking lot; "I say we think about this over or after lunch."

Lullaby ghosted through the hospital halls. The doctor's didn't seem to really notice her, which was a relief to Lullaby. She quickly found the room of the surviving little girl who had been in the crash, Jenny Ginning. Lullaby quietly closed the door. Jenny's chances of a full recovery were doubtful, she would probably be paralyzed for the rest of her life from at least the waist down. Lullaby laid her hand gently onto the girl's forehead. Blue light seeped out from beneath her palm. Jenny squirmed and muttered in discomfort, but even this response was encouraging as she was shifting her legs. Lullaby pulled her hand away, and then softly tickled Jenny's toes. The girl jerked away smiling slightly as she sighed deeply. Lullaby could feel Carolyn's own smile appearing on their shared face. _She'll be okay now right?_ Carolyn asked. _She will be fine_, Lullaby replied, _her sister will be pleased_. Carolyn seamed shocked, _she has a sister!_ Lullaby told her quickly that Jenny had a sister named Margaret who had not been in the crash. Carolyn became quiet with happiness tinged with regret and sadness.

Lullaby knew Carolyn was remembering her own family, so she opened the door and stepped out. Right into the arms of the man she had been staring at in the car. She was falling, but his strong hands grabbed her arms and caught her. He pulled her upright. "Sorry", Lullaby muttered. "No problem", the man replied, "I'm Sam that's Dean", he gestured at his companion. Lullaby frowned, "have we met before?" she asked looking closely at Dean. Sam looked uncomfortable, "I seriously doubt it." Lullaby shrugged and started to walk away past him. "Wait, what's your name?" Dean called to her. Lullaby considered lying, but answered, "Call me Lullaby."

Sam and Dean watched the strange girl vanish down the hall. Dean hissed dubiously, "What kind of a name is Lullaby?" Sam shrugged and started to enter the room Lullaby had just vacated. Dean grabbed Sam's arm, "and why did you tell her who we are?" He asked. Sam just shrugged again and they both walked into the room. The both stared at the now perfectly healed Jenny Ginning. Dean pointed, "Wasn't she supposed to be… seriously wounded in a car crash?" "Yep", Sam answered. Dean looked over his shoulder at the door, "Does that mean that…" "That girl who just left is the thing we're hunting…", Sam interrupted, "Yep". "Crap!" Dean exclaimed. They wasted no more time in the hospital, now they knew what they were after.


	7. alone for the night

**7. ALONE FOR THE NIGHT**

Lullaby hummed quietly to herself while sitting in the café. _I hate that song! _Carolyn complained, _and why are we here? We don't need to eat_. Lullaby sighed, _I am tired from healing that girl and it would be unwise to leave before learning why that Dean guy was so familiar_. Carolyn obviously didn't understand, but she let it sit. _Why don't I take over for a bit while you rest?_ She proposed. Lullaby nodded, ignoring the odd looks people gave her, _fine._ Lullaby retired into the back of Carolyn's mind and let herself slip out of awareness.

Carolyn gave herself a small shake and promptly rolled her shoulders and stretched. Why was Lullaby always so tense? She wondered absently. They hadn't ordered anything and didn't need to anyway, so Carolyn scooted off her stool and walked out into the sunshine. The sun was bright, the air was clean, and it was warm. Carolyn realized that she had missed this. Controlling her own body, feeling everything. When Lullaby was in control it was like the world went through her eyes before Carolyn's and all emotion and feeling seemed filtered out. For all of Lullaby's power, Carolyn really didn't know if the angel could feel warm or happy. She was always so aloof, even from Carolyn.

Carolyn shook her head, resolving not to think of the angel riding shotgun in the cockpit. She enjoyed her freedom for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening. She ambled around City Park, fed the ducks, climbed the trees, etc. When there were only a couple hours left in the day and Lullaby was obviously intending not to wake, she finally went to find someplace to stay the night. Carolyn ended up walking back into old town, where she found a place that seemed suitable. She didn't have any money and was also still rather young, so she ended up in a church. Saint Joseph's Church was housing anyone who needed a warm place to stay in the gym of the affiliated school.

Carolyn pulled off the backpack that she has always insisted Lullaby keep with them. Inside were a long winter coat and a book. Carolyn laid the coat on the floor as a blanket. It had been her mothers, but she had always thought it was ugly. Carolyn on the other hand, had always thought it very practical. When worn it was shapeless and ankle length and stuffed enough to give it the impression of a marshmallow. It was black in color, with a fur trim around its large hood, and though it was way to big for Carolyn, she had found it warm and comfortable to sleep in.

The book was actually a photo album she had made of her family before leaving. It had pictures she had liked. The first picture was an adorable picture of her brother holding her as a baby. In the picture she had been only one year old and he was eight. His dark hair curled loosely over his temple as he looked down at her with a look of great admiration, while his arms curled protectively around her, supporting her head. This was by far Carolyn's favorite picture and she looked at it now with a flush of great happiness and pride. Her family loved her and she loved them. That was all that mattered. With a smile on her face Carolyn lay down in her soft coat and closed her eyes contentedly.

_This chapter was meant to give us more quality time with Haniel's vessel. Really Carolyn has more knowledge of the way things are than most girls her age, but this chapter is a little bit of a reminder that she still is only 11. I have really been trying to get a bit of a difference between Haniel and Carolyn. Carolyn should be more light and cheerful, while Haniel is more subdued and wary though also still curious about humans._


	8. found

**8. FOUND**

Lullaby woke to find Carolyn still unconscious, so she got up and packed away Carolyn's two belongings into the backpack. She carefully zipped the bag closed and swung it onto her back. She promptly went and thanked the church workers for letting her stay the night before leaving through the door. She wouldn't admit it to Carolyn, but she still felt weak somehow, like she was missing something. Refusing to linger on it, Lullaby instead decided to find those two men, Sam and Dean, and see what she could learn about them. Hopefully she could find out why they were so familiar, though that would really be the best-case scenario.

They ended up not being that hard to find. They were driving around old town as though they wanted to be seen. Lullaby became instantly on guard at this possibility. _Be extra careful_, she ordered herself and followed the slow moving black car. The car eventually did stop, after circling the main streets a few times, and Lullaby watched from a distance as Sam and Dean climbed out and began looking for someplace to eat.

Sam and Dean sat in a corner, where they would have the solid wall behind them and could also see anyone who entered or left the restaurant. "We can't just walk up and stab her!" Sam argued with Dean, "she might not be harmful!" Dean's annoyance was etched into his face, "what do you suggest? Go and have a nice chat with her while hoping she doesn't gank us?" Sam threw his hands up; he had no answer, "either way we have to find her first." Sam eventually pointed out. The argument subsided as they each tried to think of a way to track down Lullaby.

"We could use a tracking spell." Dean proposed once they had finished eating. "We would need her real name." Sam replied and Den dropped his head, "yeah, well maybe her name really is Lullaby." Sam looked at him skeptically, "Really? We've already decided she's not a demon, no sulfur. so either she's an angel or something else we've never heard of before." Dean nodded, "I see your point, God isn't into naming angels without 'iel' at the end." Defeated they walked out to the impala, but Sam didn't get in. "What's up" Dean asked. "We may not need to find her" Sam replied, "looks like she's going to find us." He tipped his head to the right; Dean followed his hint and glimpsed someone peeking around the corner at them. Then he tossed the keys to Sam, "I'm going for a walk Sammy, see you at the hotel." Sam walked around the impala's hood, "why are you going?" Dean smiled, "she can't follow both of us and she'll either follow me or you so be ready." He adjusted his jacket, offering Sam a quick view of an angel blade, "I'll be fine." Dean started walking away. He turned briefly and walked backwards, "watch yourself got it." He said before turning around again and continuing by himself. Sam snorted and ducked into the impala, "got it." He said softly to himself before driving back to the hotel.

Lullaby watched the two men part ways. She knew that it was probably a trap to follow Dean; although he was walking, he obviously intended for her to go after him and was probably armed. If she followed Sam in the car, it would be harder to keep up and he would also have greater protection in weapons. She decided that she would follow Dean after all. She caught up to Dean as he was walking through the park. He was waiting there for her, so she walked up to him; stopping at what she thought was a safe distance between them (about five feet).

"Hello Dean." Lullaby started, "I mean you no harm…" Dean interrupted, "then why are you following us?" His voice was taut and his stance sturdy, but ready to move at any moment. Lullaby involuntarily took a step back causing Dean's eyes hardened more. "Curiosity", she was about to answer when she felt something move nearby. "I…" Lullaby stuttered, "run…", she vanished with the sound of feathers. She landed roughly behind the church she had stayed the night before. She didn't know what had scared her enough to flee, but she knew that something with ominous intent had been approaching and that by moving she would keep them away from Dean. Chills went up her spine, but she had used up energy flying and couldn't fly now. Not knowing what else to do, she ran. Whatever it was it was getting closer, it felt familiar, but hard and cold. She kept running, her fear even woke Carolyn.

_What's going on?_ She asked groggily. _Something bad_,Lullaby replied shortly, _something is after us_. _Oh!_ Carolyn cried in dismay before falling silent and trying to become aware of the danger. Lullaby kept running, it was like she could hear footsteps behind her. She dodged across a street full of cars. Tires screeched and there was a sharp jolt as a car hit her. She was thrown backwards and rolled on the rough street, her arms and face were scraped and her legs hurt badly. Carolyn had blacked out when the car had made contact and now Lullaby did the same.


	9. hunted

**9. HUNTED**

"You hit her with my baby!" Dean yelled with outrage. "Well, we got her?" Sam replied. "Yeah! Well if you put a single scratch on my baby you will wish you were still with Lucifer!" Sam waved his arms in defense, "okay, okay, but you called and said she was an angel and I saw her running like crazy through the town and figured that I could catch her." Dean put his hand to his forehead, "why didn't you stay at the hotel?" He muttered to himself the looked up, "fine, you got her secured?" Sam nodded, "she's in a circle of holy oil in case she tries to escape." Dean shrugged, "kay, but I don't care how old the girl is I will kill her if I have to."

Lullaby's vision was blurry and her head hurt. She soon realized she was tied to a chair on a dirt road in the middle of a large plain. "Where are we?" She asked, knowing that at least one of the Winchesters was there even if she couldn't see him. Sam moved around so he was in front of her, "how do you feel?" Lullaby shook herself and tried to determine if she had any major injuries. "I may have a bone fracture in my leg, several bad scrapes, and I am rather disoriented", she replied. Sam whistled, "Definitely talks like an angel." Dean contemplated singing Elvis, but instead crossed his arms and stared at the angel, "so, are you under commands or in the same boat as Castiel?" Lullaby tilted her head, "who's Castiel?' She asked entirely earnestly. She thought a moment, "and we are not in a boat… we appear to be in a large grassy plain of some sort." Sam and Dean shared a glimpse. Before walking to what they thought was out of Lullaby's hearing range.

"She seems serious", Dean said. "No", Sam replied, "She seems like Cas." He thought about it for a moment, "she's really been to subtle to be working with one of the factions and those angels aren't too keen to help anyone any way." "Why not?" Lullaby asked, "What are these factions you guys are talking about? How do you know of angels? Why wouldn't they want to help humans?" Both Sam and Dean walked back over to her, "you really don't know?" Dean asked in doubt. "No, I don't even remember my own name." Lullaby instantly fell silent. She hadn't intended to tell them that.

Dean sighed and motioned to Sam. Lullaby kept her eyes down until she felt Sam tugging on her bonds. She frowned in confusion, _weren't they interrogating me for information?_ She thought, _and now they're just letting me go when I haven't said anything of use_. Sam finished untying her and helped her stand up. Any wounds she had sustained from being hit by a car had mostly vanished, though her knee still twinged a little. "We would like you to come with us." Sam said. Lullaby stared at him intently for a moment before looking down, "okay." She agreed. _They don't appear to want to hurt you, so why not?_ She reasoned.

There was a rustling sound of feathers and suddenly angels surrounded them. One stepped forward, "she will not be going anywhere with you Winchesters." He spat. Lullaby shrank away from his words, _why are my brothers being so cruel?_ "Identify yourself sister." The angel commanded. Lullaby was confused and scared by his tone, so she responded with the first thing that came to mind, "Call me Ishmael." She squeaked. The angel stepped forward menacingly, "do not fence with us sister, where do your loyalties lie?" Lullaby replied with no hesitation, "I fight for my father and the good of heaven and Earth." After her answer Lullaby became uncertain, she wished she could remember. Then maybe she would know what was going on and why there were so many angels on Earth.

"Yep! She's like Cas." Dean whispered to Sam, "you owe me ten bucks!" "We didn't bet on that!" Sam was saying when the angel hissed "silence" with so much malice that even Dean fell silent. "You Winchesters are an utter nuisance!" The angel yelled. Next thing Lullaby knew, two angels were standing by her with their blades plunging through the hunters' backs. "No!" She screamed looking in horror at her siblings, "why would you do that?" The leading angel's eyes glinted and his blade dropped into his hand, "you throw in your lot with them, now you will die." His voice was like steel and he moved toward her slowly.

Lullaby backed away slowly, "please stop." She begged. The angels continued their slow approach. Lullaby saw Dean's angel blade glinting in the folds of his jacket and she grabbed it. "Why would you wish to kill me?" She asked in Enochian, "we are family." None of her pleading reached the angels though. They suddenly rushed forward. Lullaby was dropping into a fighting stance when suddenly everything froze. Even she could not move. Time stood still.

_Yay! Amnesia Haniel meets her now very murderous angel siblings. The last time she met her family, Heaven was still united and angels weren't at each others' throats. Yes this happens after the angels have all fallen. Haniel goes to hell to save Dean's soul with Castiel, gets left behind and is tortured in hell from late 2007-2010, that's a little over 2 Earth years and ~240 Hell years. Then she is with Carolyn up until this present moment in 2013. Yup! A little Timeline info._


	10. chosen

**10. CHOSEN**

_What's happening? _Lullaby asked, _I can't move._ _Carolyn?_ There was no answer. _Carolyn!_ Lullaby screamed, diving into Carolyn's head, trying to find her consciousness. _Be calm Haniel_, a deep voice resonated in her head. _Hello?_ Lullaby reached out tentatively. _Yes, I am here child_, the voice said._ You are my daughter lost to hell, do you remember?_ Lullaby was about to answer no when visions filtered past her eyes. She gasped, _yes! I remember now! My name… is Haniel!_ She felt approval of the deep voice. _Father?_ She asked._ Yes…_ the voice rumbled. A bright light flared in Haniel's vision, and shaped itself into a body almost to bright to look at. _I am your father_, the voice rumbled in triumph, _and I shall save you_.

The figure laid its right hand on Haniel's shoulder _I give you a gift_… Haniel felt her father's warmth flow into her through his touch, it became burning hot. The light of God faded away leaving Haniel to scream as her true form rapidly changed. All four of her faces cried out in pain as her grace rapidly expanded. Antlers grew from her deer head, her height stretched to be taller, and new wings burst from her back. When it was over Haniel felt dazed and sore, then time continued, seeming to speed up in order to catch up. An angel blade ripped through her shoulder, but she struck back. Her attack ended in a bright flare of light as the angel died.

In a battle staged faster than the human eye could register, Haniel fought for her life. An angel leaped for her, but Haniel twisted away and grabbed the angel's collar, forcing him to the ground. She didn't even hesitate when she stabbed through his neck, snapping the vessel's spine in the process. Nor did she pause before taking on new opponents. Haniel dodged several clumsy counter attacks, dispatching the angels with ease. Then three angels lunged at her simultaneously. Haniel dodged two of their blades, but the third became lodged in her ribs. She slashed back in a quick spin, slashing two of the angel's necks, but landing low on the third angel. He dodged back with grace leaking from the cut on his chest. Only four angels remained. They paired up, one for defense, the other for offence. It was simple, but effective. Now Haniel had to protect two sides simultaneously while any blow she tried to land was easily blocked.

Haniel rushed at them suddenly to throw one pair off balance. At the same time she grabbed the hilt of the blade that was sticking out of her stomach. It left a deep gash, but now she had two weapons. She stabbed the blades into the two angel's chests. They died leaving their burned up wings behind. Haniel turned to the last two angels. They were panicked and slow when Haniel ran them through as well. All twelve of the angels were laid to waste.

She stood up from her defensive crouch and surveyed her work with horror. Now a total of thirteen angels had died by her hands, thirteen siblings, her family. She shuddered dropping one of the angel blades. She had killed before of course but it had mostly been demons. Demons were easy, burn them away and escort the vessel's soul to heaven as a reward for dying in war against the forces of hell. Even monsters were easy, though in their case there was no soul to take to heaven. But angels… even she did not know where they went upon death and their deaths had left her covered in blood and grace. Haniel swayed sickened by her actions, nauseated by the feeling of dirtiness and guilt. Her eyes fell on the bodies of the two hunters, she could save them, she had to save them. She had to save someone.

Haniel trudged over to Sam and Dean, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and stomach where she had been stabbed. She laid a couple fingers over each of their foreheads and healed them. Then she retreated a few feet to wait for them to wake up. Her wounds were numerous, but she took the time to close them, healing Carolyn's physical wounds completely and starting to replenish the grace that she had bled. The wounds would scar, but at least she hadn't died… like her brothers and sisters. The full weight of her guilt crashed down on her and Haniel staggered.

_I thought it would be a good idea for Haniel to be better secured as a strong character if something really crazy happened to her. Also I thought that the best animal faces to represent Haniel would be those of a dove, a deer, and a lion. I oriented them with the dove being on her right, the lion on her left, and the deer in the back, with the standard ceramic looking face in the front._

_Dove: symbol of the Holy Spirit, because the theological Haniel was meant to lead mankind to greater happiness by being closer to God. It's on her right because this is her main duty as angel of joy._

_Deer: because of the deer's grace and meekness, the meek shall inherit the Earth. It is in the back partly because it makes her look more symmetrical, but also because the peaceful nature of the deer would not mind. (Yes, pun intended)_

_Lion: because even those filled with love and joy, must have courage and strength. This is on her left because, frankly, the other three faces needed to be where they are._


	11. pity

**11. PITY**

Sam and Dean woke to find Haniel crouched by a bush, soaked in blood, rocking back and forth. She jumped and stared at Sam when he touched her arm. Her eyes were wide and full of pain, "I killed them," she muttered, "I killed them all." Sam pulled her up and turned her around so she was facing him, "it's okay", he crooned, "it's okay." Haniel didn't believe him, "blood… why is there so much blood?" She asked. "Dean!" Sam called, "get the car over here. She's in shock." "Okay" Dean agreed, "just hang tight", then he walked off to get the impala while Sam tried to console Haniel.

He soon realized that she still held the angel blade in her hands. He grabbed the hilt, "hey, let go of the blade", he murmured. Haniel shook her head desperately, "he said hang tight." She whispered. "It's okay, just let go, just give me the knife." Sam said more sternly. Haniel glanced down at her white-knuckled grip and forced her fingers to relax one at a time until the handle slipped from her hands.

Haniel continued to mutter to herself; she didn't really see anything nor did she respond to any questions or orders placed before her. In the end Dean had to pick her up and carry her to the impala while Sam blocked the angels' corpses and ashy wings from her sight. They loaded her into the back seat, before taking care of the bodies. Then Sam and Dean climbed into the impala.

Sam looked back to check on Haniel. She was staring at the back of Dean's seat while perched tensely on the edge of her own seat. "Hey, Lullaby, sit back and try and relax, okay." "My name is Haniel." Haniel replied dully, but she did slide back a little. Sam sat back down in his seat, "this is very bad." He muttered. "Yeah." Dean agreed, "but she still has the typical angel name ending." He joked, trying to make the mood lighter. It ended up having the opposite effect.

They were almost back at the hotel when they decided it would be best not to stay there another night. They ran in, quickly grabbed their belongings, and started on the road again. Haniel remained as quiet as ever, but ended up falling asleep about an hour into the drive. "Angels aren't supposed to sleep." Dean whispered to Sam, who just shrugged in response. "Lets just find a small, remote town to stay the night" Sam said irritably. "Hopefully those damned angels won't find us."

_Can you imagine how confused she must be right now? She doesn't understand what's going on with heaven, just recovered all her memories, and also became an archangel all at the same time. Oh, and she is now traveling with two strange men who were trying to kill her earlier in the day, but became very nice to her after she had to kill some of her family. Did I miss anything? (Rhetorical)_


	12. long night

**12. LONG NIGHT**

They drove in a southern direction for four hours and ended up in La Junta. An old rundown town that always looked dusty. It wasn't as small a town as they would have liked, but they found an empty house where they could safely squat for the night. Haniel was unresisting as they pulled her out of the car and lead her into the house. She slouched against the wall as soon as they were inside. What blood hadn't dried smeared on the cream paint. "Hey, Haniel", Sam said, "you've got to clean yourself up some okay?" Haniel nodded, but she felt empty and couldn't focus enough to make herself clean using grace. Sam grabbed her arm and showed her to the bathroom where he even turned on the shower for her.

Sam then wandered throughout the house putting up wards and making salt lines while Dean unloaded what they needed. Sam even found some boxes of the previous owner's belongings that had been left behind. There was a box of clothes, which he left outside the bathroom for Haniel to find. Then he went to help Dean.

Haniel emerged soon after in a pair of jeans and an old grey t-shirt, both of them were much to large, but Haniel had gotten them to work. She still wouldn't speak. She felt sticky blood clinging to her, though she knew she had washed it all away. She jumped onto the couch, which let off a puff of dust and sat there and stared at the wall. Sam and Dean decided to just leave her there while they finished setting up beds and went to the store for food. Who knew if there even was a store open this late? But they both knew that Haniel needed time to come to grips with what had happened. "We'll back in an hour." Dean announced and without further ado they left.

When they returned, the Winchesters found Haniel sleeping deeply on the couch. In unspoken agreement, Sam scooped her up and carried her to one of the beds they had made. The bed squeaked slightly, but with Dean's help they got her comfortably situated. "Do you think Cas would know what to do with her?" Sam asked. "Probably", Dean sighed, "though I am not sure either of them would be to keen to meet." Sam glanced at Dean's face, it was unreadable, "well, they are kind of in the same situation and I think it would be good for both of them to meet the other." Dean pulled out his phone, "right then, I'll call him and tell him we've got an angel who needs help and isn't in a position where she'd want him dead." Sam dipped his head, "yeah, you do that."

After it was decided with Castiel that they would meet at the bunker, the Winchesters turned in and slept soundly. Then in the morning they continued the long drive back to the secret Letterman bunker.


	13. family reunion

**13. FAMILY REUNION**

After a couple days of travel, the passengers of the impala were not only glad to have reached the bunker, but were also glad that Haniel's shock had worn off to the point and she was able to act on her own again. Unfortunately, by the time they got to the bunker Haniel's vessel, Carolyn was starting to burn up. Her bloodline had never been intended to host an angel, let alone an archangel of Haniel's strength. For the same reason, Haniel's new strength, Carolyn also couldn't take control of their shared body anymore. Instead she remained blissfully unaware that her body was wearing out at an absurd rate.

The car stopped in the underground mansion's garage. Now all that stood between Haniel and her younger brother was a couple of doors. She was worried what he would think of her. She had killed 13 of their siblings. And she remembered time she had spent with Castiel; including a trip Gabriel took them on when they were young.1 Beyond being her brother, Haniel had always considered Castiel her friend. What could have changed while she was missing? He didn't even know she was the angel who needed help yet. Haniel couldn't bear the nervousness; she wasn't accustomed to such strong emotions, even after living with Carolyn for so long. She buried the feelings and forced the calm of a soldier through herself. She would always have had to face her family sooner or later now that she remembered them.

She was lead into the main room of the bunker by Sam and Dean. Castiel stood with his back to them looking up at the roof of the bunker. "Hey Cas!" Dean greeted patting him roughly on the back. "Hello Dean, Sam", he greeted back in a deep voice. A light smile played across his lips, one of contentment, until he turned and saw her. She stared simultaneously at his True Form and his soulless vessel. She knew that he was doing the same of her. He took a couple steps toward her and it was only with great strength of will that Haniel stopped herself from stepping back. "Haniel?" He asked finally, his voice soft. "Haniel?!" He repeated louder.

Haniel stood frozen, she couldn't speak and she couldn't move, not until he passed judgment on her. Instead he just stood there with sad blue eyes. "You… you've changed", Haniel forced herself to say. Castiel looked down at himself, "you more so." Haniel took a couple awkward steps toward him, "I… I would like to…", Haniel started to try to apologize. Then suddenly Castiel rushed forward and wrapped his arms around her. Haniel was astonished, "brother… I… what are you doing?" She finally asked softly. "It is a hug", Castiel replied with uncharacteristic emotion, "it is an act of fondness." He explained. Hanniel frowned, "but I… I killed our brothers and sisters." Haniel said distraught. Castiel stepped back, "in these days it is rare that an angel not have killed at least one other."

Haniel was taken off guard by this news, "you must tell me what has happened!" Castiel looked at the floor with what Haniel recognized as guilt. "We… we should try and find you a new vessel first. The child you are in will not last much longer than a day with your power." Haniel pushed back her curiosity with a sigh, "very well, but I wish to be sure that Carolyn will be found by her family once I leave her and I would like to leave her in the best state possible." Castiel nodded and looked at Sam and Dean. "Great so this is our cue to stop standing here awkwardly?" Dean asked. Castiel grabbed Haniel's hand, "do not worry sister, we will find you a strong vessel so that you may learn how to be an archangel. I… am glad that you are not… dead."

_Castiel can't really explain it, but he is very glad that amid all of the battles between factions and the civil war there is at least one angel who has come back. Haniel gives him hope that more angels may survive the coming hardships even under the assumption that they are dead. And he can see her new wings, another miracle of God._

1 I may in fact actually type up this story because it really is rather lovely.


	14. search

**14. SEARCH**

It surprisingly didn't take that long for them to find Haniel a possible vessel. They found a demon that was willing to talk to them (after being forced to guzzle a copious quantity of holy water). He told them that Crowley had told him to track a small group of angels who appeared to be finding vessels. His exact words were, "the angel's have been paying particular attention to somebody in some college in New York." With a little more incentive, the demon was all too happy to tell them exactly where and when the angels were going to collect this person. However, all that the demon knew was that it was a she. He couldn't give them a name or description.

"Well, that doesn't help us much", Dean complained. "It is more than we knew before." Castiel said, shrugging. Haniel heard a short scream, and then Sam walked out of the warehouse to join them. He was wiping off the blade of a short serrated knife with eyes full of regret. Haniel began to feel greater respect towards these hunters who actually did care. She walked forward to meet him and suggest they leave as soon as possible. A pain lanced through her side and Haniel felt herself fall onto her knees. _Kidney failure?_ She wondered, before she glanced around at her vessel's arms. They were covered with a patchwork of small burns. "Are you okay?" She heard Sam ask. She took a moment to heal what she could before standing up. "Carolyn is suffering great damage by my continued use of her body." She replied. "Then lets get this show on the road." Dean said. "We aren't going by road." Haniel informed them before grabbing each of the Winchester's hands. Castiel got the cue and laid a hand on her shoulder.

Haniel flew them all to New York where they landed, safely hidden, behind a building. Haniel slumped to the ground while Sam and Dean kept an eye out for anything unusual. Haniel would have liked to just sit there, but Castiel pulled her up by the arm. "We will fix you", he assured her and Haniel let him lead her after the boys. "We are on the school's campus." Haniel told them, "the girl should be here somewhere, and if she really is being followed by angels, she'll have some sort of mark so they can find her easily." Dean frowned, "isn't that counterproductive for us?" "Under other circumstances it would be", Castiel answered, "but we can also use the mark to identify her." Sam nodded, "then what?" Haniel smiled slightly, "then we remove the mark, cloak her and Carolyn, and I swap vessels." "What if she doesn't say yes?" Dean asked; a question he had always kind of wondered. Haniel dropped her eyes, "then Carolyn dies and I must roam as a celestial wavelength until a new vessel can be attained." "Oh." Dean muttered.

By the time they found the right girl Haniel was barely able to move. The girl was in her second year at the college, majoring in philosophy and psychology. Her name was Jordan Shangri, she had long brown hair and evenly tanned skin. She was lithe and only a couple inches shorter than Dean. They found her in the middle of a reading club in the library. Haniel and Castiel waited at the edge of the group reading room while Sam and Dean walked in.


	15. jordan

**15. JORDAN**

Under Castiel's direction, Sam and Dean approach the young woman with the angel mark. "What are you guys reading?" Sam asked the group. One of the other members of the group held up a book with _Supernatural_ in bold letters on the top. "Damn it!" Dean cursed, "Are those books following us around now or something?" Sam looked at him disapprovingly. "We were wondering if we could borrow this young lady for a moment." Sam said laying a hand on Jordan's shoulder. "Jordan?" One of the few men in the group elaborated. "Yes!" Sam said quickly, "Jordan. Jordan looked a little confused, but still came with them.

"What do you want?" She asked irritably once they had left the room. "We were at the best part." Dean almost asked what part that was, but decided not to encourage her to read those books further. "I am Sam, this is Dean." Sam introduced them, "and that is Castiel and Haniel", he continued gesturing at them without taking his eyes off Jordan. Jordan tisked, "I'm not so obsessed with the books to believe you guys." Dean snorted, "actually, it's more like the books are obsessed with us." Jordan glared at him. "Perhaps you require proof of our identities?" Haniel asked.

For the first time Jordan really actually looked at Haniel. She knelt down, "oh my God! What is wrong with you?!" She asked with concern. Castiel opened his mouth to reply for her, but Haniel stopped him with a hand. "I am an angel; my vessel is to weak to hold me and is burning up." She told Jordan. Haniel laid her hand over Jordan's and stared into her eyes. "Yes", she muttered, withdrawing, "you are of the right blood line." Jordan's eyes widened, "you want me to be your vessel?" She asked, seeming to forget all of her doubts and suspicious from before. "Yes", Haniel replied.

"I accept!" Jordan squealed in excitement. Haniel frowned at her, "you do not understand all that being a vessel entails." Jordan shook her head, "actually, I do! I read all the books, it talks about Castiel's vessel some!" Haniel looked confused. Dean cleared his throat nervously, "a prophet, Chuck, um… he kind of was tapped into our timeline and wrote out Sammy and my life." He chuckled in embarrassment. Haniel nodded once, "I accept your yes, though first I must ward you from the other angels." Haniel laid her hand over Jordan's sternum and erased the mark the angels had left. As a second thought she also etched warding symbols into her ribs, just in case she ever lost her grace or left Jordan.

Jordan whimpered a little when the marks were put in place, but she was soon excited and happily chatting again. She talked about how she didn't have any family left and how she had gotten into the supernatural books, etc. When she was ready for the transfer, Haniel let Jordan go in and say goodbye to her reading group. They all were surprisingly okay with their friend leaving to be the vessel of an angel. _Perhaps they just don't believe her_, Haniel mused. When Jordan returned Haniel wasted no time. She placed her forehead against Jordan's and closed her eyes.

Since becoming an archangel, Haniel hadn't yet tried to leave Carolyn; she wondered if she would even be able to pull their melded essences apart. "Is it supposed to be taking this long?" Dean whispered to Castiel. Castiel leaned towards him, "Carolyn and Haniel have a more profound bond than most angels do to their vessels. It may be difficult and potentially painful for them to part." Haniel focused even harder on unwinding herself from Carolyn's soul and body, Jordan was just patiently standing there as stilly as she could.

Haniel came to the last connection with Carolyn; this point was different though. Instead of just winding together, Carolyn's soul had joined to Haniel's grace. Not even Haniel could tell where one stopped and the other started. She would have to guess and this scared her more than anything else. She poked closer to herself and moved down until she could barely feel it. She assumed this was the best place to cut them apart. She just didn't want to hurt Carol. Before she could doubt herself she chopped down mentally, severing the line. It hurt like hell, and then Haniel pulled herself out and in a burst of flowing light transferred into her waiting vessel.


	16. questions

**16. QUESTIONS**

Haniel's grace hurt where she had sliced some of it off. She could still feel some of Carolyn's presence, but it was muted and dissipating rapidly. Haniel felt weird. She slowly opened her eyes, blinking and trying to get used to the odd feeling. Deep sounds muffled in her ears. She focused and cleared her head as best she could. "Haniel, can you hear me?" Castiel's voices grated. It was like they were underwater. "Haniel, can you…?" The question cut out in the middle, "what?" Haniel asked. Her own voice rang out like it was extra clear. Then she realized she was lying on the floor.

She sat up slowly and turned to look at a concerned Castiel, Sam, and Dean. Sam was attending to Carolyn, who was also slumped on the floor. Haniel's head spun, _I'm not in Carol anymore?_ Haniel stood up slowly and almost fell over. Castiel grabbed her arm and placed it over his shoulders so he could help her balance. Together they walked over to Carolyn. Haniel knelt and placed her hand on Carolyn's chest above her heart. Then, once again, she carved Enochian warding. Though for Carolyn she also carved an anti possession pentacle into her skull. Carolyn didn't move. "Is she okay?" Haniel asked when she was done. "We don't know." Dean said softly.

Haniel felt an ache inside; she had tried to be as gentle as possible on Carolyn during the separation. She had tried to sever as little of Carolyn as she could because angels were more resilient, while the human soul was fragile albeit powerful. Haniel grabbed the fragments of Carolyn's soul that were drifting away and fed them back into her body where they joined with the main glow illuminating her chest. They couldn't stay there. They had to get somewhere safe for Carolyn to recover. Haniel knew the trip would be hard on her, but it was better that than stay where angels were no doubt going to come at any moment. She grabbed Carolyn's and Dean's hands while both Castiel and Sam placed a hand on each of her shoulders. She flew them all back to the bunker with the whooshing sound of wings.

Haniel felt solid. She was a full angel now, she felt powerful and sturdy so she knew that she was an angel again. Carolyn was unconscious still on the bed in a spare room and Sam and Dean were practically bursting from their unanswered questions. Haniel agreed to answer to the best of her ability. "Why were you in Carolyn to begin with?" Dean asked, "Where's your true vessel?" "My true vessel died and Carolyn was the first person I met. She also didn't burn up at the sight of me." Haniel answered. "What was wrong with Carolyn as a vessel?" Sam asked. Haniel almost laughed, "Nothing was wrong with her. Her bloodline wasn't meant to hold an angel, but I was so weak that she could." "Why didn't you get stronger?" Sam asked as a follow up. "I believe it was because I didn't fully heal, I more bonded with her." Haniel started, "also, her soul was very powerful, but still very fragile. Though its presence healed my form it also restricted my powers because of its close proximity." They continued questioning Haniel until they were satisfied, at which point Haniel started asking questions as to what was happening in heaven.

Sam and Dean gave a short and detailed synopsis of what had happened since Dean's resurrection. Haniel's heart ached as they told her of Gabriel's death and Uriel's betrayal of heaven. She felt pity when they told her how Sam had accidentally broken the last seal without knowing it. Castiel became more and more nervous as the story was told. He left to get some "fresh air" at the point where they found out about Sam's soul missing. She expressed her shock when she heard of Castiel working with Crowley, but she understood his reasons. She became fearful when they spoke of the Leviathans freedom and again felt pity when she was told how Dean and Castiel were trapped and purgatory only for Cas to be controlled by Naomi when he escaped. Haniel also felt very disconcerted by the discovery of not one, but three of the words of God and the demons', angels', and Winchesters' fight to get them and keep them safe from each other. Haniel felt even greater compassion for the Winchesters and Castiel when they told her of the trials, Castiel's being tricked by Metatron, the fall of all the angels, and Gadriel's decite.

When the Winchesters had arrived at the present Haniel decided that she should go find Castiel. At first she had a hard time using Jordan's body; it was taller and generally more grown up than Carolyn had been, but she soon grew accustomed to it. After a little experimentation she finally made it to the bunker's exit. "Cas?" She called out the door. There was no answer so she reached out with her grace until she felt his odd signature. The grace had Castiel's signature on it, but underneath was Theo's signature as clear as day. Rather than summon him to her, as she knew archangels could do, Haniel instead went to him.


	17. forgivness

**17. FORGIVNESS**

Castiel was sitting on a rock overlooking a small stream, a short distance into the woods from the bunker's door. He seemed… depressed. Haniel walked up and sat by him. She gazed at the stars quietly for a moment before leaning against him, "I don't blame you." She whispered, "I forgive you." He said nothing, instead seeming to fall deeper into his dark thoughts. She could almost feel his guilt, but refused to enter his mind and read his thoughts. "I was probably the first angel to kill a sibling since Lucifer's rebellion." She said shortly. Castiel released a pent up breath. "I killed thousands of our brothers and sisters," he choked, "every attempt I made to help only caused more harm." He closed his eyes. "At least your murders were well intended."

Haniel smiled at him. "Your intentions sounded as pure as mine." She looked down at her hands, "your results were just less successful." Castiel looked at the stream in shame, "perhaps I should just stop trying", he muttered in misery. "No!" Haniel exclaimed. "Your time on earth has made you emotional Castiel." She turned his head toward her so that they were staring into each other's eyes. "Never stop trying Castiel. It's because you care that you can never stop." She fells silent for a second, "that is your final order, Castiel. Never stop caring, never stop trying." She let her hand drop and they both returned to watching the water swirl in the stream. It was a companionable silence and for the first time since hell, Haniel felt truly content. For her, the only problem remaining was learning to be an archangel and the only question was what to do next. Of course she had many worries, but those she could handle.

They remained sitting on that rock until the sun was just starting to peak over the trees. Then Castiel finally moved. He stood up and looked down at Haniel, "thank you Haniel, you have reminded me of my duty." Haniel stood up now as well. "Not duty, Castiel… it was your choice. You just forgot why you made it." Castiel honored her with one of his rare smiles, "thank you." He hugged her again, and this time Haniel reciprocated. "In the words of a big brother of ours, 'what else is a big sister going to do?'" Castiel smiled again and together they walked back to the Winchester's secret bunker.

_Castiel finally has another angel who he can share his feelings with. Another angel who understands regret, pain, and shame. Better… an angel who has forgiven him, encouraged him, and still wants to be his big sister. A pair of broken, confused, and lost angels._

_Also, those words "what else is a big sister going to do", are said by Gabriel in the story that was mentioned on page 16 of this story._


End file.
